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Showing posts with the label Jokes

WW: Sweet Shirt

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This is a cool sign! would you think the ants will run after you once you wear this so-called "sweet shirt". Have fun in today's WW! Thanks to my friend Merz for sharing this!

Feel free to visit WW site to join and to see more photos. Happy Wordless Wednesday everyday!

Have a Safe and happy Weekend!

I just wish each and everyone a safe and happy weekend! Before I sign-off for tonight, I am sharing this joke to stretch the muscles in your face! Thanks to arcamax for sharing this. Have fun everyone!

"Dumb Jock The huge college freshman figured he'd try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach.

"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.

"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"

"Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.

"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?"

The freshman rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."

Cool Joke!

cool joke for today!! check this out guys and exercise your face muscles for a while!! Happy Sunday!! this was forwarded in my email..

Robbery

Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc.

While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?"

To which accountant number one replies, "It's that $50 I owe you."

Want Some Funny Tshirts

I just remembered my two months vacation in the United States especially spending most of my time in Las Vegas. That was last May and June of this year. I can't forgot the fun and memories I had in that city. One day my sister showed me a red t'shirt that was given by her friend. The red tshirt had a printing in front that says "All Men Are Idiot, I Married Their King". What a funny Tshirt!!! Actually that lady who gave that tshirt to my sister was divorced once and wanted to divorce again her second husband. I guess that's the reason why she bought that tshirt. My sister's husband in Las Vegas wanted to throw away that funny Tshirt for reasons I don't exactly know. Is there something hidden on the funny words there??? That's why my bro-in-law wanted to throw it away??? In fact I told my sister not to throw it away. That's one of my favorite color which is red and the texture of the cloth is really of good quality. I want t…

Joke Time!!

I decided to share this joke from arcamax before I delete it...have a funny Sunday to all my friends out there!!

Norwegian in Fargo

A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota.
While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner.

"Look," he said, "let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?"

"Ja, dat sounds purty good," said the Norwegian.

The Indian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"

The Norwegian scratched his head and finally said, "I give up. Who vas it?"

"It was ME," chortled the Indian.

So the Norwegian paid for the drinks.

Back in Sioux Falls the Norwegian went into the bar and spotted one of his cronies.

"Sven," he said, "I got a game. If you can answer a question, I'll buy you a drink. If you can&…

Joke Time!!

Reasons to Become a Nurse
- Pays better than fast food, though the hours aren't as good.
- Fashionable shoes & sexy white uniforms.
- Needles: It's better to give than to receive.
- Reassure your patients that all bleeding stops....eventually.
- Expose yourself to rare, exotic, & exciting new diseases.
- Interesting aromas.
- Do enough charting to navigate around the world.
- Celebrate the holidays with all your friends.....at work.
- Take comfort that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.
- Courteous & infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly legible handwriting.

Joke Time!!

Single-Minded
A man goes to a psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about relations."

The psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks.

The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman having relations."

The psychologist says, "Very interesting," and shows the next picture. "And what is this a picture of?"

The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman having relations."

The psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?"

The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and a woman having relations."

The psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with relations."

"Me!?" …

Joke Time

Sound of Drums

A researcher arrives in Borneo to gather data for his thesis. Accompanied by his trusty guide, he seeks out a very remote locale for researching the mating behaviour of the giant rat of Sumatra.

Around dusk of the first day, he's sitting by the campfire with his guide when in the distance, he hears tribal drums. They get louder. The guide announces, "I don't like the sound of those drums."

The dusk turns evening. The drums get louder. The guide says, "I really don't like the sound of those drums."

Evening turns to dead of night. The drums get louder and louder, until it is obvious that the drummers must be quite close. The guide says again, "I really don't like the sound of those drums."

Suddenly the drums stop, and a voice from the darkness cries out, "Hey man, he's not our regular drummer!"

arcamax.com

It's joke Time again

Crazy People

The Queen visits a mental hospital and goes to the first ward. The first patient she sees is sitting up and with his left hand he seems to be grabbing something from the air. She asks, "What are you doing?"

The patient replies, "I'm taking the stars from the sky!"

She then proceeds over to the second patient and he seems to be inserting something into the air. She asks, "What are you doing love?"

The second patient replies, "I'm putting the stars back in the sky!"

Finally she reaches the third patient and he's sitting up pretending he's a rally driver and is making high speed noises. She asks him, "What the heck are you up to?"

The patient replies, "I'm trying to get away from these two nutters, they're absolutely mental!" arcamax.com

Big Secret

In the 1970's, before women were allowed to sign up for combat duty, a man was bragging to his friends about how his sister disguised herself as a man and was able to join the army.

"But, wait a minute," said one listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?"

"Sure," replied the man.

"Well, won't they find out?" asked his friend.

The man shrugged and replied, "But who will tell?"


arcamax.com

Time To Laugh

Good News, Bad News

An old man visits his doctor and, after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, "I have good news and bad news. What would you like to hear first?"

The patient answers, "Well, give me the bad news first."

"You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left," the doctor says.

"That's terrible! In two years, my life will be over!" the patient cried. "What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this?"

The doctor says, "You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you."

Joke Time!!

Problem Solving There are four engineers traveling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down.

"Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again", says the mechanical engineer.

"Well", says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system."

"I thought it might be an grounding problem", says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead."

They all turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and say: "Well, what do you think?"

"Ummm, perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again?"

Joke Again!!

Little Johnny and Geography Teacher: Little Johnny, go to the map and find North America.

Little Johnny: Here it is!

Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?

Class: Little Johnny!

Joke Only!!

Snickerin' at Bumpers - Hang up and drive!

- Welcome to America. Now speak English

- Heart Attacks. God's revenge for eating His animal friends.

- Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.

- Some people just don't know how to drive. I call these people: "Everybody, But Me."

- Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.

- Everyone has the right to be stupid but you abuse the privilege.

- I smile because I have no Idea whats going on.

- Stop following me. I don't know where I'm going
www.arcamax.com

Time to laugh Again!!

Management Lesson A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk."I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an Endless supply of pinna coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Management lesson?

Always let your boss have the first say.

THis is a Joke!!

Management Quotes A magazine recently ran a "management quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life dysfunctional managers.

Here are the top ten finalists:

1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA)

2. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedu…

It's Joke Time!!

Life's a Mess A poodle and a collie were walking down the street. The poodle turned to the collie and complained, "My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is having an affair with a German shepherd, and I'm nervous as a cat."

"Why don't you go see a psychiatrist?" asked the collie.

"I can't," replied the poodle. "I'm not allowed on the couch."
www.arcamax.com

It's Joke time again!!

How To Appease The I.T. Dept. 01. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

02. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

03. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.

04. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

05. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

06. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spi…

Joke..Joke..Joke..

Divorced Barbie A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. “How much is that Barbie in the window?”, he asks the shop assistant.

In a manner she responds, “Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $395.00.”

The guy asks, “Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others?”

“That’s obvious,” the assistant states, “Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s furniture…”
source: www.arcamax.com

Many Wives

Just happened to read this in my email tonight and wanted to share it with you.
Hope you enjoy reading it!!! Have fun!!!!

Many Wives
==========

A little boy was attending his first wedding.

After the service, his cousin asked him,
"How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen," the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"

"Easy," the little boy said.

"All you have to do is add it up, like the pastor said,

4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."